Dear Eugenia

WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 10, 2017

DEAR EUGENIA 

Dear Eugenia: I have been seeing a wonderful girl since May 10, 2016. I was born on Nov. 24, 1984, around 11:30 a.m.; she was born on July 26, 1984. She has three kids, an infectious laugh and, though not lately, a lust for life I have never before encountered. It’s as if she radiates excitement.

We have discussed the possibility of moving in together. Her home life has grown volatile in the past six months: Her parents moved in with her and brought her youngest brother, a recovering drug addict, with them. Her ex-husband of six years recently sued for full custody because he wants her “to know what it feels like to pay child support.” She is going through a great deal, and I’m trying to provide support and act as her sounding board.

A major source of contention for me is that although I have no children of my own, I would not allow my 5-year-old to watch R-rated television, and I would not give in to them so readily when they want something. She says she doesn’t “want to deal with it.”

She is very intelligent and science-oriented, and makes more money than I. I am more creative-oriented, but also work in a science field. We are both people-pleasers and avoid confrontation. Admittedly, I don’t address issues when I see them because A) I am laid-back; B) I don’t want to drive her away; C) when it comes to her kids, I don’t feel it’s my place to discipline them.

I am reluctant to say no when she says she wants something for fear of losing her, and although I don’t think she takes advantage of this flaw, there are times I have thoughts or doubts about her intentions. I know this isn’t healthy, and it is subjecting me to unwanted debt.

My father met her recently and expressed concern because she and I have totally opposite and conflicting values; while she is a nice and resilient person, she isn’t a good mother.

I was convinced I had found “the one,” but I’ve started to question if we wouldn’t be better as friends. I find it particularly hard to let go, because I’ve met, spent time with and developed a rapport with the kids. And selfishly, I don’t know how I will do if I break up with her, play the “we can still be friends” card, and then go on working with her and seeing or hearing about her with someone else.

I guess I don’t know if by ending things I would be dodging a bullet, or throwing away a diamond in the rough. — Sad Sagittarius

Dear Sad Sagittarius: The nine-month rush of love has ended, and now you are left with the bare bones of a relationship and you are beginning to see each other’s true colors. This is normal. You are both finding out that the person you are with isn’t perfect. Welcome to the real world.

Your astrological comparison is certainly good enough to turn into a forever relationship, but that takes open, honest communication and work. The one thing that shows up in your comparison is emotional disillusionment, so a nice dinner where you can discuss the pros and cons of your relationship before you decide to take the next step of living together is necessary.

Children are a big factor here, along with whether her parents and brother will be living with you as well. This is a big step for you as the outsider coming in. Before stepping through that door, all these matters must be addressed if you want it to work, including your position in the family and your relationship with each of the children.

Equality is what you are aiming for. Yes, you will both have things about each other that you don’t necessarily love, but that comes with the territory. The bottom line is: Can you live with those traits, and are you both willing to work hard to make this relationship work, for your own good as well as that of the children.

The end of this year and beginning of next is a make-it-or-break-it period for this relationship. Give it that much time to work through the most important roadblocks. Honesty is vital; for all you know, she could be wondering if friendship isn’t your better option as well. My belief is that you have to be friends as well as lovers.

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Dear Eugenia: I feel like I am cursed in the love department. I’ve never been married, my last long-term relationship was over 10 years ago, and I’ve only had three serious relationships in my life.

I have no idea what I’m doing wrong. I try to meet people; friends, online dating, etc. have set me up. I’m told I’m attractive and have a good personality. I’m a good person and the friend everyone comes to for advice or a shoulder to cry on.

I have a stable career, and I’m financially secure. Why does it seem like other people have such an easy time navigating relationships? Why is love so elusive for me?

I want what everyone else seems to have. I know I don’t “need” a man, but I’d like to have love in my life. I’m lonely. My birthday is March 25, 1973, at 3:51 p.m. Please help! — Lonely Aries

DEAR Lonely Aries: Your chart indicates that when it comes to relationships, you have a tendency to pick partners that are not open or honest. It also denotes that you aren’t emotionally honest with the way you feel, and you’re reluctant to speak up. This makes it difficult to develop a relationship with most of the potential partners you meet, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

You are just beginning a cycle that should bring greater opportunity to meet someone. Dating sites, travel, taking courses and connections through friends are all advisable, and although these haven’t worked for you in the past, you will have greater opportunity between now and the fall of next year if you use these means to meet and greet.

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Dear Eugenia: I’m 62, single, thinking about being open to marriage because I don’t want to be alone in my golden years. Do you see me getting married? Does my chart say I’ll live alone in my last days? I don’t understand much about my birth chart. Can you tell me about my year ahead? Should I be open for marriage again? — Ms. Lonely Leo

Dear Ms. Lonely Leo: No, your chart does not indicate that you will live out your days alone. You are heading into a high cycle regarding love and companionship and should be looking for someone born under the sign Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn or Pisces. However, one precaution: Please protect your personal finances, assets and possessions. You are vulnerable to having someone take advantage of you if you don’t. A prenuptial agreement is something to consider if marriage is what you want.

Your upcoming year indicates that you should be doing more travel, fundraising, socializing and self-awareness or other such courses or retreats. All will be conducive to meeting someone special.

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(To submit astrological questions to the “Dear Eugenia” column, visit Eugenialast.com, or join Eugenia on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.)

About the author

Eugenia Last